btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
