in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
dude. I can hear the air.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
