so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize