I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize