$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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