I'm gonna have a badass scar
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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