He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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