Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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