Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
