fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
