If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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