i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
