Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
