my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
