What a fucking waste of an outfit
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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