The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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