No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
my poor anus
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
