my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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