Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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