GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
