Jerry, you need to find god
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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