on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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