im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
