He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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