Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
