your parents love me but you hate me
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize