Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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