Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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