so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
