We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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