all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
