i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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