Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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