hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
