i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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