Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
