He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
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