I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
