Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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