The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
