Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
