I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
