well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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