I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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