I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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