i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize