she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
