how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize