I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
