I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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