well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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