allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
