She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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