it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
