im six kinds of drunk right now
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
