Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
