Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
