Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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