i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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