It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
