I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
