So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
