shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
