I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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