I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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