Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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