rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
