Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
In other news, I just burned my penis
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
