Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
