apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
