SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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