I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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