I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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