You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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