and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
