why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My bed smells like the plague
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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