I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
