just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
