I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
