did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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