Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
