Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
