was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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