im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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