I just saw a hot homeless man
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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