I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
